The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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