I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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