Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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