I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize