Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
