Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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