sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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