If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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