My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
