hotel room ftw
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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