I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
