you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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