And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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