who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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