Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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