god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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