the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
