he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Drunk is a universal language darling
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