Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
