i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
