Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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