There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
