Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
