I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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