He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
