I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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