I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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