At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
