waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
high people should be assigned attendants
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
