He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
