is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize