guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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