As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
