forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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