After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
