The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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