I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
