Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
