where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
