the condom got lost in my hair
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
