Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
