so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
