Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize