All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
