is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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