I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
