it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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