I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
