Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
