I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize