I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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