It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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