the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
