I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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