I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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