end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
