can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I die, sorry about rent.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
