I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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