She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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