I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
50% drunk capacity currently
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
