I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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