it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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