halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
