got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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