I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
