R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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