I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
