haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Less talking, more tequila
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize