The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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