Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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