census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize