Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
