i need an iv and a liver transplant
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
