Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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