It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
