I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
