Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
