he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
