So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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