My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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