I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
