I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
