i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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