Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize