so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
