ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
