I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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