I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize