So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
