im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
