she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
